It appears I've read another book for middle aged people (here's the first one) . I guess it's just the consequences of stealing all my dad's books. Anyway, this one wasn't so deep, bro basically countered the midlife crisis by listing 12 reasons why he fucks with getting older. The actual content of the book wasn't all that, but the topic of course has me thinking a little two deeply about my own life and future. I got into this weird contradictory state of mind reading this book. I recognize that most people like me make this big mistake in the first half of their life where they prioritize like money and social status and fleeting opportunities for happiness instead of being content and grateful for their life and the people in them. This book teaches me that, and I am grateful for my life, yet I still want to work myself to the bone at some job for a few decades anyway. Why? An obvious answer is that I'm intrinsically motivated to work hard and to acheive hard things. Being challenged is definitely fun for me, but I can't seem to separate that feeling from the pure ego boost I get from doing hard things. Does the motivation for my actions matter so much? I'll still be in the same position in my 50s of being slower and less creative than I am now. Fundamentally I think my discomfort with aging rests in the fact that I place far two much of my self-worth in my intelligence. I'll clown all day on people who are to attached to their appearance and youth, but really I'm the same way, overattached to my brains so I can hide my insecurities. Potentially I'm also scared of becoming an unremarkable 50 year old man. Reading this book reminds me of the necessity of changing my outlook on my life and myself. The fact that I have not changed a thing about my life in response to this book reminds me just how hard that is.